Author: Gareth
Series: The Dawnmeister Chronicles
Summary: What does Dawn's Diary say about Faith?
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season Three stuff only, apart from the existence of Dawn
Archive: List Archives are welcome to it, other people please ask.
Distribution: Sure, as long as you keep this header intact.
Feedback: Hell yeah :) I don't want to churn loads of stuff out then find out you all think it's crap :) Send to feedback[at]lostscrolls.net
Disclaimer: Dawn and co are all owned by one Joss Whedon. Not sure which one though.
Notes: Although strictly speaking this shouldn't be on this list, I'm claiming the 'OT' tag in the heading lets me off ;) The third of four shorts looking at events of the first four seasons through Dawn's eyes.
Dear Diary,
Well, this is a bit of a shock. Buffy has just told me that Faith has betrayed us all, and that I should do my utmost to stay away from her. "Utmost" was Buffy's word, not mine. I think she's been hanging out with Giles for too long. Maybe it's the extra influence of the Mark 2 English Geekzoid that turned up a few weeks ago that is leading her to words like that - you know, Wesley.
Anyway, I'm not entirely sure how to deal with what Buffy said. I liked Faith, she was my friend. Or I was her friend. I'd like to think it would work both ways. She...I've read a few of my older diaries lately and noticed how I always talk about Buffy's friends and stuff by how they treat me. Like, Willow treats me like a kid a bit, but it doesn't matter cause she's cool with me in other ways. And Xander, who is totally cool and who I'm going to marry as soon as I'm old enough, because he'll never find someone suitable otherwise. He doesn't treat me like a kid. Or as Buffy said to me once, maybe he does, but I don't notice it because he's being a kid himself at the same time. Faith is kinda like that. She does treat me like a kid, but not in the usual trying-to-be-a-grown-up way that people like Cordelia and Willow do. It's like she's trying to help me grow up.
For example, when Mom got me my first bra just before starting Junior High, and just before Buffy came home, it was a really preppy flowery training bra thing. It was cool, cuz it was my first bra, but I hated it, cuz it really wasn't right for me. I mean, me and flowers? Get outta here! Soon after Faith arrived she heard me moaning about it and took me shopping to get a real bra. Well, three real bras, it turned out in the end. Mom was a bit dubious about me having a black bra but when Faith told her about the lacey ones I wanted she seemed to drop it.
And Faith got me my own stake for Christmas. Mom gave me the whole big lecture on how yes it was a nice present but that didn't mean I could go patrolling with Buffy...like that would ever happen. There was the whole thing where Buffy lost her powers and I tried to help out. Buffy blames Faith for that a little, I think. She blames the council a lot more - well obviously, they were the ones who took her powers away after all. I tried to stake the Vampire that kidnapped Mom, and ended up with a broken arm. A broken right arm, which no doubt you resent the Vampire and the council for too, diary, since it caused me to neglect you while I healed. All better now though. I know I already told you all this but I'm still not sure you realise quite how brave and heroic I was.
The Vampire was carrying Mom away down the street. I'd seen what was going on from inside and hunted out my stake. Faith even carved "Dawnmeister" into the side of it - I forgot to say that earlier. The Vampire wasn't hurrying so it wasn't too difficult to run after him and catch up. Even though I was really out of breath I jumped in the air as soon as I got near enough and stabbed the stake towards his back. I even remembered to aim right for the heart. He spun around and threw me to one side, knocking the stake out of my hand and throwing me against the side of a parked car. That was when my arm went crunch. I heard the bone snap, it was horrible. I had done my best to be a brave, heroic and honourable fighter (apart from the back-stabbing bit - after all, when you're a 12 year old girl fighting a monster with supernatural strength, you need every advantage you can get) but I fell foul of the Vampire's dirty fighting.
I remember the night I came home from hospital with my arm in plaster, I gave Buffy my stake to use on patrol and dust Vamps for me. She said she took 7 with it. That made me feel a bit better about it. I know my sis doesn't worry about fighting fair with Vamps.
Neither does Faith. Buffy doesn't know this but one time Faith took me on patrol with her. Faith was babysitting me while Mom had a show at the Gallery and Buffy was out...I think she was at the Bronze or something. Faith was real careful not to let me get hurt, which I know Buffy wouldn't believe. She didn't even let me take my stake with me. I guess it wasn't really a proper patrol - we just walked through a couple of graveyards and she dusted the Vamps that jumped us, but it was real cool and exciting.
Faith is strange. I mean, this whole good-bad thing about her is strange, I really don't get that. She had been acting kinda weird since Wesley turned up. Buffy said something about Faith making a terrible mistake, but wouldn't tell me what it was. I asked Giles and he wouldn't tell me either. Xander didn't actually say he wouldn't tell me, he just didn't say anything, so maybe he will tell me sometime. Buffy says that Xander had sex with Faith, which could explain him being all strange about her being bad and making mistakes and stuff. Sorry, I'm getting all muddled here. I guess I'm kinda upset about being told that Faith is bad and that I gotta stay away from her.
There's one thing about Faith I really don't get. It was strange enough before I heard that she'd had sex with Xander, but now I'm just really confused. Faith totally has a crush on my sister, which is weird, but kinda interesting. Buffy totally doesn't see it, which is funny. I guessed that this meant that Faith was a lesbian - we've done in SexEd about how some boys like other boys and not girls, and some girls like other girls and not boys, and how there's nothing wrong with it and we shouldn't go calling other people names if they're like that. But, it's like...knowing that sort of thing happens, and seeing it happen, they're like two different things. I don't get it. The boy-girl thing is quite complicated enough for me without boy-boy and girl-girl to think about too.
So if Faith is into Buffy then why did she do the do with Xander? I tried to ask Giles about it but he just took his glasses off and rubbed his nose a lot, which he always does when he has to talk about stuff he doesn't want to talk about. He said I shouldn't mention things like that to Buffy because she has too much to think about already. So I asked him why I should have lots to think about too, not understanding all this stuff about Faith and Buffy and Xander and everything. He said that I was trying to understand stuff that I wasn't old enough to understand and that I should just wait, which made him sound like he was like 100 years old.
None of this makes sense right now. First Faith's good, then she's bad. She likes girls, then she likes boys. Giles must be right, it must be one of those "Only Twelve" things. Giles has been good up until now, but now he's put himself on the list of people who have told me that I'm only twelve when I ask him stuff. Growing up sucks, when will there stop being stuff I don't understand? I've lost the mood to write now. I'll write more on Sunday.
Dawn (only 12)
Well, now it's Sunday, as promised. I mean I'm writing as promised. I don't think it promises to be Sunday, does it? That's a silly thing to write though, sorry. I've decided to try and be really grown up from now on and not writing silly things is part of that.
I saw Faith yesterday. Well, okay, I went looking for her, kinda. Not the best thing to do, I realise that now. I was surprised by what happened. I think she mighta been too. I guess I went after her cuz I didn't understand. No one else could help me to understand. Before Christmas I remember Xander talking to me about Faith. He said that if ever there was something I didn't understand, I should ask her about it. He said she has a knack for cutting away all the bullshit and telling it like it is. I guess that's the best reason I can come up with for going to find her.
Anyways, I found her at the mall. She was in a video game store showing everyone else up at the new Star Wars racing game. Slayer reflexes giving her a bit of an advantage, I guess. I waited my turn, but had to elbow a few 10 year old Anakin wannabes out of the way to get my chance to race against her. I did well against her - actually managed to win the first lap before her ducking and diving got the better of me. She gave me a look of irritation when she finally caught me, and I think that was the first time she realised who she was racing against. I smirked, and then she looked scared. At least, I think I smirked. I haven't quite worked out where a smile ends and a smirk begins, but if there's any logic to it, what I did was a smirk.
"C'mon then, pipsqueak," she said to me. "Let's go get a soda." I think maybe I missed the tone in her voice then. I remember it now as being harsh, but it didn't seem it at the time. Once we were out of the store she dragged me to a quiet corner of the mall. It was only then I realised just how angry she was with me. "What the fuck are you doing, pipsqueak? I know for sure big sis isn't stupid enough to send you to me, so why did you come looking for me?" This threw me. I mumbled something about how I was allowed to shop if I wanted. This didn't go down well. She said something about how if big sis wasn't stupid then she definitely wasn't. And she used the f-word again. She's the only person I know who uses it and makes it sound normal, not like they're just trying to shock you.
I can't remember exactly what I said to that, cuz I started crying at that point. It was something like "I came to find you cuz I don't understand what you did. I don't understand anything that's going on any more." And then she said "Welcome to puberty, pipsqueak". I punched her, and then told her how I was fed up with people using that as an excuse for not telling me stuff, and how I thought that if she was gonna be so shitty she'd at least tell people why and what was so wrong about me wanting to understand. I remember crying a lot, and hitting her more, and demanding that she told me something that would help me understand. She crouched down, looking me straight in the eye. And then what she said made me afraid. Afraid for her, not me. She said "If I understood it myself, I'd tell you in a second." Then she stood up, and the softness disappeared from her voice. "Don't follow me again, pipsqueak. No second chances. I don't want to turn you over to my boss, but I will. And then big sis will lose, straight up." She turned and walked away, and I knew she'd meant what she'd said. I also got a hunch how this is gonna end. It's gonna be her and Buffy fighting to the death. And I don't want either of them to die.
I don't know if Buffy noticed how upset I was when I got in. She's pretty wrapped up in how Faith has screwed her over. For once I was glad she was too wrapped up in herself to notice my problems, cuz I knew how mad she'd get if she knew where I'd been. I can't understand why she always gets mad at me when I try to help. Yeah, I know it's another thing on the big long list of stuff Dawn (only 12) doesn't understand. Give me a break, huh? I joined in with Cordelia and Xander in saving Buffy and Willow from that MOO thing, and what happens? Buffy and Mom both take at least half an hour each to tear me off. If I'd been around to help out with the evil Willow business I'm sure it wouldn't have been half as much trouble, and they'd still have spent more time (pause to look up clever word) chastising me than thanking me.
I just don't know how to deal. When I found out Buffy was the slayer it was something cool and funky. Some of the things that happened frightened me, yeah, but mostly in the way that a rollercoaster frightens me. Faith once said I was an adrenaline junkie, and that I should make the most of that before I grew up enough to understand the danger I was in. She has to spoil everything. Even when Angelus terrified me, I knew Buffy would take care of him. Now, for the first time, I'm scared for Buffy. I'm scared for Faith too, but Buffy is my sis. When they fight, I don't want to be there. I...I just don't want to be there.
Dawn x