the bunny warren v. Faith

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BTVS in the Hands of an Insomniac

Author: Venus Blue
Written: June of 2001
Summary: I havenít slept in 48 hours. Iím incredibly wired, and I want to write a fic. Craziness in Sunnydale as only a Bunny Goddess can do it. This makes no sense, Iím aware of that fact. Enjoy.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: General. Who knows what my mind will come up with?
Feedback: You know it. Please no flames, though I can handle a simple, "WowÖyouíre insane." Iím used to that.
Disclaimer: Joss and company, who actually get sleep at night and therefore never have this much fun, own everything.
Awards: View, View 2nd Award


Buffy was patrolling the cemeteries one night when she heard her name yelled really really loud. Looking up, she saw Willow skipping toward her with a big pink furby strapped to her shoulder.

"Hey, Buff. Watcha doiní?"

"Nothing. Just patrolling for the big scaries."

"Well, I guess thatís a good thing, Ďcause thereís one right behind ya."

Spinning around, Buffy saw a goldfish running up to her, teeth bared. Pulling out her honey baked ham, she stabbed it in the eye, and it turned to dust.

"Good job."


"I guess weíre done here, huh?"

"Yep. Letís find something else to do."

So they joined hands and began to skip again, singing tra la la as they made their way to The Bronze. When they got there, the doorman asked for covercharge, and they each handed him one turnip.

"Now, now. Do I look like I was born yesterday?"

Buffy turned to Willow and said, "Guess we canít put anything past him."

Reluctantly, they handed over three pencils each.

"Thatís what I thought."

Inside, the place was kicking. Couples were dancing madly on the dance floor, and a new band, The Singing Bullfrogs, were pounding away on their instruments on stage.

Willow and Buffy saw Xander and Anya sitting at a mushroom, and the quickly joined them.

"Hey, guys," Xander said. "Want a sip of my soda?"

"What kind?"

"Sneaker flavored."

"Nah. Iíll always prefer shampoo."

Xander nodded and said, "Oh, look, Angelís here."

And guess what? Angel was there.

"Angel! Old Buddy!" Xander said, jumping up and hugging him. "How ya been?"

"I been great Xander. How about you?"

"Oh, man, Iím great! Havenít seen you in awhile!"

"I know! I missed ya, buddy!"

Buffy rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, look! Spikeís here!"

Just then, whaddya know? Spike walked up!

"Hey everybody!"

"Spike!" Buffy said, walking over to him. "I missed you."

"Oh, lay off, Summers," Spike said, sitting next to Anya. "Iím tired of you fawning all over me all the time. I donít like you."

"But, Spike! I love you!"

"You canít love me. Youíre a pez dispenser. Pez dispensers canít love anyone!"

"Oh, but we can! I loved Angel!"

Looking over, Angel said, "Yeah, but I never loved you. I was only using you for your slightly bitter tasting candies."

"Doesnít anyone love me?"

"I love you," Owen from "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date" said, coming out of the shadows. "Youíre the coolest."

"Oh, wah," Buffy said, throwing her drink at Warren from "I was Made to Love You." "You only love me Ďcause I almost got you killed."

Willow patted Buffy on the arm and said, "There, there."

Just then Tara walked in and said, "Willow! Iím here to tell you we have to go do a spell, so that we can slip away and go have sex."

"Right! Letís go do that spell!"

And with that, she left.

"Say, Angel, want to go shoot some pool?"

"Sure thing, buddy! Letís go!"

And then they left.

Giles came in, cigarette in one hand, beer in the other, and said, "Buffy, youíre in my seat."

"Sorry, Ripper."

Standing up, Buffy moved away and sat on the box of cereal across from Drusilla, who had just appeared from thin air.

"Say, Anya? Have you seen Cordelia lately?"

"Last I heard, sheíd run off to Paris with a chaos demon."

"Ooh, Chaos demons," Drusilla said as she painted her fingernails red with white tips. "Theyíre fun. All slime and antlers."

Suddenly, Olaf the Troll appeared, and proceeded to bash everyone in the Bronze over the head with his hammer. Buffy watched, a bored expression on her face.

"God, doesnít anything interesting happen in this town?"

And somewhere, in a land far, far away, an insomniac bunny goddess giggled madly.

~The End

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