The chop-chop-chop of the helicopter blades sounded like a death knell to my heavy heart. I knew we'd be lifting soon, and there was still no sign of her. Had I really believed she'd come after me?

Well, yes - at least, I'd hoped she would. Even after all the hot words that had passed between us earlier that evening, ever since I'd issued my ultimatum-"I'm leaving tonight, unless you give me a reason to stay"-and walked away, I'd been waiting for her. As I packed my kit my ears had been pricked for the chime of the doorbell or the ring of the phone. As I made my way to the rendezvous point my eyes searched everywhere for her slight figure. Even after I'd stowed my gear and everyone else had climbed aboard the chopper I waited at the edge of the clearing, straining my eyes, hoping, praying to see her appear.

"Finn!"

It was Graham, waving me to join them. It was time. Disappointment felt like lead in my veins. I turned and started walking, then halted. Had I heard a voice?

"Riley!"

Heart thumping, I swung around. Buffy sprinted across the road. She came to a stop a few feet away, gasping for breath, her cheeks flushed, a light sheen of perspiration on her forehead. She must have run the whole way. I suddenly felt fifty pounds lighter.

"Buffy!"

"I'm glad I - got here - in time." She was still catching her breath.

Hope blossomed again. I couldn't speak, only searched her eyes, seeing the emotion suffusing them. But what emotion was it? She came closer, put her hand on my arm.

"Riley - I had to let you know that - I'm sorry."

She was sorry? Hope became joy. I took a step forward, only to be halted by her next words.

"You were right-I didn't let you in. I couldn't." Sincerity and sorrow gleamed in the haunting eyes staring up into mine. "Riley...there's a part of my heart that still belongs to Angel, that I think will always belong to him. I tried, I really did, to put you there instead, but I couldn't."

Once again my body felt leaden. I listened silently.

Tears glistened in her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't understand it sooner, before-all this happened. I never wanted to hurt you. Riley, you're a wonderful guy." She reached up and kissed me, on the mouth, briefly. "Please, be careful."

I couldn't speak, could only watch as she turned and walked away. Numbly I trudged over to the 'copter and climbed in. Seconds later we were rising upward. I caught a glimpse of a tiny figure walking back toward town. It stopped and I thought I saw her look up to follow our progress, but I couldn't be certain. One thing I did know for sure, though. Buffy Summers might be out of my life, but it would be a long time before she was out of my heart.

If ever.

"Xander-" I can't say any more; my throat is too tight.

"Run," he says, gently.

I take off into the empty streets, running after Riley. God, please let me get there in time!

("The guy would do anything for you.")

The air burns in my lungs as I sprint down the path, Xander's words echoing over and over in my mind.

("He's never held back with you. He's risked everything.")

My foot slips on the loose gravel, and I feel a twinge in my ankle as I stagger to keep from falling. I keep running, the breeze cooling the sweat on my forehead.

("If you think you can love him, really love him...then think about what you're about to lose.")

Riley. Images flash through my mind. Riley smiling at me, tenderly...his warm lips kissing mine...his complete willingness to help me with Slaying, without demur or complaint or question...the gleam of sweat on his chest when we were having sex...his warm body in bed at night...his big grin...the lost look in his eyes when he told me that he was so much in love with me he couldn't think straight...

I hear the beginning whap-whap-whap of helicopter blades and my sprint becomes a flat-out, can't-breathe, panicked run. I burst through the trees into the clearing and see Riley, walking toward the 'copter. I call out his name but it comes out in a breathless gasp. Please, hear me!

Miraculously, he does. He turns sharply and sees me, and stops. I dash up to him, gasping for breath.

"Buffy." His voice is tentative; he's not sure why I'm here. Maybe I'm going to rip into him again, like I did in the training room. God, why was I such a bitch? Xander was right.

("He's the one that comes around once in a lifetime.")

//Once in a lifetime, once in a lifetime//

I'm still catching my breath. "I'm glad I - got here - in time." I see happiness dawn in Riley's face, and his eyes begin to glow-

-and suddenly I'm seeing, not Riley's light blue eyes, but dark ones that pierce straight through to my very soul...warm, chocolate-colored orbs awash in tears...and I feel an iron grip on my arms, hear a voice choking out that he wants to lose himself in me, that even though he knows he'll become a monster again, part of him doesn't care...dark, anguish-filled eyes that flinch when I fling back in his face the fact that his heart doesn't beat...eyes glazed with pain, physical this time, brown changing to vampire yellow in the moment before I force him to drink from me to save his life...shamed eyes that can't look into mine as he tells me he's leaving the next night, without saying goodbye-

-and in a flash, between one breath and the next, everything changes. My racing heart slows and suddenly I see everything-so clearly. My God, it's so obvious! How could I have not seen it before?

("He's the one that comes around once in a lifetime.")

But now I know it isn't Riley who's the once in a lifetime guy, it's Angel. It was always Angel, almost from the first time we met, when I knocked him flat on his back and he looked up at me with that crooked little smile and my heart did a flip-flop that I ordered myself to ignore, concentrating on my anger at being followed.

"You were right," I tell Riley, and it's not at all what I'd intended to say. "I never let you in. I tried to, I really did, but I couldn't-because that part of my heart belongs to Angel. I think it will always belong to him, no matter what." I feel tears begin to rise, and Riley looks like I've punched him in the stomach. I'm flooded with guilt and remorse and regret, and a dozen similar emotions.

"I'm sorry. I wish I'd understood all this last year before we got so involved, because I never wanted to hurt you. I hope you can believe that, Riley. You're a wonderful guy." On an impulse, I kiss him quickly, then move away. "Please, be careful in Belize."

I turn and walk away, not looking back. A minute or so later I hear the helicopter rising, the blades beating into the air above me, but I don't look up, not until I know there's no chance Riley could see me gazing after him.

"Goodbye, Riley," I whisper. "I'm sorry."